Weird girl from Asia: “How Being Understood Helped Me Overcome Chronic Fatigue & Find a Relationship”

Everyday, we help hundreds of people like Angela realize “they’re not alone” through education and community. Here are their untold stories:

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From: Angela
Subject: Thank you!!

I love love LOVE tckid!

I lived in Kuala Lumpur for several years when I was younger and when I moved back to Wellington, NZ where I was born no one understood me.

I was the weird girl that came from Asia!

For the first year back I was really sick. I spent the majority of that year at home in bed. My doctor had no idea what was wrong with me and neither did any of the specialists I was referred to. I had a constant headache and aching body. In the end I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome; I suspect the doctors just wanted a diagnosis at that point.

After that first year things got better and I went back to school. I had lots of friends but kept quite a distance from everyone emotionally – I felt that I had to be careful not to start conversations with “In Malaysia…” as it bored my classmates. When I was 18 I was diagnosed with depression and put on medication for a couple of years. I was 21 when things started to get better for me emotionally and I came off the anti depressants and started to really live again.

I am now very happy in my life and so glad for my experiences living overseas and being part of other cultures. I am very happily engaged to a Chinese Malaysian man who was born in Malaysia and moved to New Zealand when he was 4. Coincidence? 🙂

Finding TCKid has been such a relief for me.

It’s funny how you can really, truly believe that you are the only person that has had these experiences and the only person that feels so confused and lonely but in actual fact there are so many people out there who can relate! You are doing such a great thing and I am so inspired by you.

I could go on and on and on and on and on… but I think I’ll leave it at that for now. Keep up the great work and thanks so much for making me realise that I am not alone!! You rock 🙂

Ange.
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Re: Thank you!!

This is a deeply personal story for me, but I am happy for you to share it.

This is the first time I have truly told anyone!

I found that in high school people thought I was making it up, that there was nothing wrong with me. So, of course I felt ashamed about it and often wondered if I was making it up. Now I know that the emotional pain I felt affected me physically and it was not my fault and I shouldn’t feel ashamed.

At the end of the day, I know what’s real and how I feel and I am incredibly grateful for the experiences I have had. :)”

Want to help people like Angela? Help us reach and support them by Becoming a  Partner.

Parenting Expert: “What is The Best Time to Move Your Third Culture Kids?”

“What advice do you have for a family who’s about to move?” What is the “Golden time” to move children?

Robin Pascoe is the author of five self-help books about overseas living. Her perspectives has been featured on The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, The New York Times. She shares her insights with a live audience on TCK Academy.

Press “PLAY” below to listen to the short preview: (3min)

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Keypoints:
* There is a “Golden time” for relocating: Listen to the audio to hear the full explanation.
Robin Pascoe – Raising Global Nomads: Parenting Abroad in an On-Demand World.Learn how to preserve your family’s mental health before, during and following relocation. Identify with our child’s emotions during a move.

Robin Pascoe, the author of five self-help books about overseas living. She speaks internationally on subjects relevant to global living. She has been interviewed by numerous international publications including The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, The New York Times, The International Herald Tribune, Working Mother Magazine, Utne Reader, CNN, and others.

In this 60-mins interview, you will learn how to:

* Preserve your family’s mental health before, during and following relocation.
* Identify with our child’s emotions during a move.
* Survive the challenges of parenting while abroad.
* Maintain one’s co-parenting relationship in an overseas assignment.
* Navigate parenting abroad in an on-demand world.
* Benefit from “lessons learned” through Robin’s experiences of raising children abroad.

Want to hear the full interview? Click Here to Get the full TCK Academy series. >>

Expert: “What Type of Work is Best Suited for Third Culture Kids?”

Donna Musil took seven years and 500 interviews of Third Culture Kids/Army Brats and shares her wisdom with TCK Academy.

“It took me 40 years to figure that out, but hopefully if those kids figure that out earlier, they’ll have much easier time with it.” – Donna Musil

Listen to the PREVIEW here: (2min)

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Keypoints:

* Many TCKs want to do something that has a service and mission aspect.

* Over 80 percent of TCKs are professionals, semi-professionals, executives, or managers/officials.

* Occupational choices reflect a continued love of learning, interest in helping, and desire for independence and flexibility.

* Fully one quarter work in educational institutions as teachers, professors, or administrators.

* 17% of TCKs are in professional settings, such as medical or legal fields.

* 17% of TCKs are self-employed, one-third of these as presidents of their own companies. The self-employed, in particular, reflect the creative and risktaking streak found in so many TCKs.

* One won’t find many TCKs in large corporations. Nor are there many in government. Two-thirds of the small number (6 percent) in this sample who have government Jobs are in foreign service/AID or in branches such as the Bureau of Wildlife and Fisheries, or national parks.

* “Do what you love and the money will come.”

Want to hear the full series? Get the Full Audio. >>


Cottrell AB, Useem RH (1994). TCKs maintain global dimensions throughout their lives. International Schools Services, 8(4). http://www.tckworld.com/useem/art5.html

The Victim Mentality: “What’s The Next Bad Thing That Will Happen?”

Grief expert Tom Query and Ruth Van Reken answers questions from caller.

Jan, Port Moody asks: “So many losses have accumulated over time. I feel like I ended up with a loss mentality where I now EXPECT losses. I believe this thinking invites more loss and is defeating.

How can someone who’s had so many losses from a TCK lifestyle free themselves from this pattern?”

Listen to the answer (3 mins)

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Keypoints:

* Having a victim mentality and thinking catastrophically “What’s the next bad thing that’s going to happen?” can be controlling in someone’s life.

*Neuropsychology says past experiences lays “road tracks” in the brain and new experiences can help you re-learn new behaviors.

*Delusion of choice: When we’ve given up making choices because we think: “Everytime we make a choice it never happens anyway.”

* You can learn through joy.

Want to hear the full series? Get the Full Audio. >>


Expert: How Can Adult TCKs Parent Their Children (Audio)

How can adult Third Culture Kids parent their own children? Tom Query is an experienced counselor who has helped over 1000 victims in 9/11 in NYC recover from grief and trauma. He talks live with TCKs to share his wisdom.

Suzanne asks: “My unresolved grief affected my parenting, I didn’t let my kids grow or go. I don’t want to continue my life being so controlling. How can I learn to let go in a healthy way?”

Listen to the response (2min)

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Keypoint:

Question: Can you relate to this caller’s question? Let us know what you think of this audio by leaving a comment.

Relocation Expert: “Don’t You Ever Do That to Your Children!”

How can parents deal with outbursts from their own children? “My daughter is preparing for University and I have to deal with my own children and their response to this global lifestyle.”

Robin Pascoe is the author of five self-help books about overseas living. Her perspectives has been featured on The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, The New York Times. She shares her insights with a live audience on TCK Academy.

Press “PLAY” below to listen to the short preview: (2min)

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Press “PLAY” below to listen to the short preview: (1min)

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Keypoints:
  • Children are silent partners in relocation.
  • You should expect outbursts from kids who don’t want to grow internationally.
  • Generally speaking, each child is different. If you have two kids, one will often be global and want to travel, one will be a treehugger and never want to leave home.

robin pascoeRobin Pascoe – Raising Global Nomads: Parenting Abroad in an On-Demand World.

Learn how to preserve your family’s mental health before, during and following relocation. Identify with our child’s emotions during a move.

Robin Pascoe, the author of five self-help books about overseas living. She speaks internationally on subjects relevant to global living. She has been interviewed by numerous international publications including The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, The New York Times, The International Herald Tribune, Working Mother Magazine, Utne Reader, CNN, and others.

In this 60-mins interview, you will learn how to:

* Preserve your family’s mental health before, during and following relocation.
* Identify with our child’s emotions during a move.
* Survive the challenges of parenting while abroad.
* Maintain one’s co-parenting relationship in an overseas assignment.
* Navigate parenting abroad in an on-demand world.
* Benefit from “lessons learned” through Robin’s experiences of raising children abroad.

Want to hear the full interview? Click Here to Get the full TCK Academy series. >>


Expert: “Grief is Healthy And Has a Purpose”

Tom is an experienced counselor who has helped over 1000 victims in 9/11 in NYC recover from grief and trauma. He talks live with TCKs to share his wisdom.

“[Third Culture Kids] are the pioneers for what’s coming. What you’re experiencing today is the future.
The issues you have of loss of home are real imminent.”

Press “PLAY” below to listen to this short audio preview.

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Key points:

* Pain often has a purpose. But when we get stuck in that, that’s when it becomes a problem. Grief is something we all have to go through in life.

* With TCKs, it’s not like you have a dead body or car wreck, the loss is invisible and colorless, you don’t have something to talk about with.

* People don’t understand the significant amount of loss particularly with some of the positive experiences that’s going on.

* It’s not anything what we enjoy to do, especially in cultures who are in denial and it’s something we avoid at all cost which causes the problems.

* The only way through it is through it.

In Tom Query’s 75-mins interview, you will:

tom

 Learn about Unresolved Grief and “Hidden” Losses

 Discover How to Develop a Sense of Self Without Place


 Learn About The Obstacles and Goals for Healthy Attachment

 Why “Attachment is the Hardest Thing To Do”

 Discover “Take-Away” Strategies and Helpful Suggestions… “The Only Way Through It Is Through It!”.

What to do Next?:

Click Here to Get more from TCK Academy

tom
Tom Query,

Counselor/Therapist,

and Grief Expert.

Grief Expert: “My Life is Good, But Why Don’t I Feel That Way?”

How do we know if we have unresolved grief or when our grief has been resolved?

Tom is an experienced counselor who has helped over 1000 victims in 9/11 in NYC recover from grief and trauma. He talks live with TCKs to share his wisdom.

People often come to counseling and say: “I really don’t have anything to complain about, my life is good, but I don’t feel that way… I find myself withdrawing, angry, depressed, and I don’t know why. ”

Do you stop attaching as much to other relationships and you find yourself attaching to things rather than people?


How do we know if we have unresolved grief? (2 mins)

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“I have no complaints.” (2 mins)

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Want to hear the full interview? Click Here to Get the full TCK Academy series.

More from TCK Academy:

Expert: “Grief is Healthy And Has a Purpose”

Expert: “Where Should I Move And Live?”

How Do You Find a Sense of Belonging in College?

(Video) 5 Powerful Questions to Ask Yourself: The Actual Voice Dialogue Session

How Do I Find Relationships That Are Meaningful?

Dear Ruth, I’m still searching for my “home”

Question: Have you experienced grief? Let us know what you think of this audio by leaving a comment.